I've been at CB's, happier than I have been all break. Honestly, the 30th [and technically the 31st since it was morning] was probably the best day of the year that I want to remember at the moment. I wish I could learn to keep that feeling with me all the time.
I have so much to say, but right now isn't the best time.
I have a weight problem. That's pretty obvious, if you ask me.
I weigh myself obsessively. When I can't [IE: I'm at a friend's house or something] I don't eat. I don't know why. I just do it. I weigh myself when I first wake up and before I go to sleep. The times in between that are random. This morning I woke up at my lowest weight in almost a year.
I'm happy. I'm the happiest I have been for the past month. For once in my life, I feel like I might be okay with how I look sometimes. So yeah, I'm being unhealthy. I'm screwing my body up. But I'm okay with it. I like myself better now than I ever have.
Oh, and to the boy that I actually talk to about this in-depth: I'm fine with you disapproving of what I'm doing, but if you're so fucking "disgusted" with it, DON'T ASK ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT. Starting now, I'm not talking to anyone about this.
Comments are screened. I'll read what you say, but I'm most likely going to deny it. I just wanted to get this out.
I drove for four hours for no reason and ended up at Altamonte where I bought an adapter so I can listen to Sam the iPod in the car. Excitement.
So he's gay. What else is new? Who didn't already know that? I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, though. This paragraph (if you can call it that) most likely isn't about who you'd expect it to be about. Actually, it might be. Apparently it's kind of a secret for the moment.
I miss Mattie.
Tomorrow will be exciting. I get control of my mom's car again and I should be hanging out with Jon. Possibly babysitting, but whatever. Money. :]
I've been watching Live Freaky! Die Freaky! obsessively since Christmas. Seriously, the best puppet musical based on Charles Manson ever ... although there are so many of those.
I'll leave you with this amazing clip from the movie, my darlings. Song starts 30 seconds in.
They can't say "Christmas card," he has to call it a "Holiday Card" which is making me laugh a little bit right now. Joe is kind of cute.
I'm always going to love Steve more, though. Green is my favorite color.
Mattie called me last night and we ended up talking for two hours. It's nice to like someone that likes me back ... but I think I like him for the wrong reasons. I'm a creep. I'm trying to decide what's worse: having no one or having someone you don't really want. At least he's cute?
I went to Altamonte with Mattie. We held hands and kissed and it was like we were dating. But we're not. And I don't want us to be. It's only been a week. I'm not ready yet. Sorry.
Plus, I don't want to become Brandy Shadow. Hahahahahaha.
Apparently I enjoy starting sentences with prepositions. Awkward.
Apparently today really will be a good day. As soon as I wrote that the mail came. Why do Christmas cards always make me feel so happy? Anyway, I got one from Chloe, my babygirl in England. Seriously. Way to make me smile.
I decided this when I woke up and I'm not letting anything affect me. It's nice. I'm keeping myself busy this week. I literally have plans (or almost plans) every day. I might have to add some in, though, because I really feel like going to see Tre's band tonight.
I'm feeling nostalgic. I'm going to list TV shows I miss. I used to watch TV all the time as a child and now I watch maybe an hour a week at the most.
State of Grace Angela Anaconda Hey Arnold! Are You Afraid of the Dark? [apparently I was fond of punctuation] Flash Forward So Weird Great Pretenders [with that girl from the Black Eyed Peas before she was FERGALICIOUS] The Secret World of Alex Mack Rocko's Modern Life Rugrats [when it didn't suck] As Told By Ginger Pepper Ann Clarissa Explains It All Boy Meets World
I know I'm forgetting some, but who cares.
My grandma is so cute. She makes me grilled cheese sandwiches and calls the living room the "great room."
I need to distract myself. I do an okay job for a few hours, but as soon as I have nothing to do, it comes back. I keep waking up at ungodly hours and not being able to get back to sleep. I'm passing the time until the next conversation everyday.
Yesterday something really awkward happened at my house and the only person I felt comfortable enough with to tell was him. I hate that. I hate how even when I'm angry at him I still want to take care of him.
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